I'm 35 days clean from heroin at the time of writing this blog post which feels like a mini miracle. It's a miracle I'm profoundly grateful for. I have had challenges in those 35 days and they include addictive patterns of thinking that have led me to speculate as to whether I could use replacement drugs to keep myself level. I haven't succumbed to these thoughts, however, and what keeps me from doing so is that I have asked for help from a higher power each time I've had those thoughts and every single time I have received an answer.
It's taken me a little while to realise that the "answer" I get isn't always a thought but more often than not it is a feeling - a sense of love and belonging. A sense that I am worth more and my life is not simply about giving in to self destructive impulses. The last time I had such an impulse and didn't give in to it, I sat down in the car and felt profoundly well and at peace. I can only attribute this to feeling the support and love of my higher power for making that decision.
There is always another choice when you feel the urge to take drugs. Even in the worst throes of addiction, someone can make that decision to do things differently. Opening yourself and surrendering is the first step. As adults, we do not like to admit that we cannot cope with an aspect of life as it can appear as a sign of weakness. But it's actually a sign of strength to ask for help. I've learned that in recovery.
If you are in the grip of addiction or recovering from addiction - keep hope and if you haven't done so already, open yourself up to help and support. There is a lot available and some of it is free.
Peace x
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